If a friend tells you that they are self-harming, it can be difficult to know what to do next. Here are five tips for how you can respond, to ensure you and your friend can get the support you need.
1. Don’t panic
Learning that someone you care about is self-harming can be difficult to bear, and can make you feel upset, confused or even angry. Don’t panic if you’re not sure how to react – often simply being there is enough.
2. Offer to listen
Allow the other person to speak without interruption or judgement. For them self-harm may feel like the only way to express very strong and deep-rooted emotions. If someone feels able to open up to you this can be a huge breakthrough, so try not to jump to conclusions or make any fast decisions.
Don’t panic if you’re not sure how to react – often simply being there is enough.
3. Help them to find support
Take the initiative and find out about mental health and other support services in the area. It may also help if you support your friend to make an appointment and offer to accompany them.
Where you can find support:
www.selfharm.co.uk
Provides a safe place to talk, share stories and ask for advice.
www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk
Run by the Bristol Crisis Service for Women, they support girls in distress and have a text and email service too. Text: 0780 047 2908 Mon-Fri 7am - 9pm
www.childline.org.uk
A free helpline that provides counselling for children under 19 with any problem. Free 24/7 helpline: 0800 1111 Text: 0800 400 222.
samaritans.org.uk
Confidential support for anyone in crisis. Helpline: 08457 90 90 90 (UK) Text: 08457 90 91 92 Email: jo@samaritans.org.uk
4. Be there for them for the long haul
Don’t expect a quick fix – some people self-harm for years as a way of dealing with difficult emotions or situations. Most people don’t want to be defined by their self-harm though, so keep on being a friend to them as normal.
Allow the other person to speak without interruption or judgement.
5. Look after yourself
It’s hard to support someone if you’re feeling overwhelmed or out of your depth. Setting boundaries as to what you can offer and getting support for yourself are important. Be honest about how you’re feeling and don’t take on more than you can cope with.
If you’re feeling upset or struggling to cope yourself, talk to someone you trust – you’re doing a great thing by supporting your friend but if you’re worried or feeling down, make sure you speak to someone.
Find help
For more information and advice on ways to get help, have a look at our self-harm page.
