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Grief and loss

When you lose someone close to you, it’s natural to feel sad, depressed, worried or angry. Everyone reacts in their own way. If you’re finding it hard to cope, we can help you find support.

What is grief?

It can be extremely difficult when you lose someone you knew. Whether you’ve lost a family member, a friend, or a pet, you may feel a whole range of emotions. Grief is an emotional response to this loss, and is a process rather than an event. It may affect how you feel physically, mentally and socially.

You might be grieving because of:

  • the death of a family member, like a parent, grandparent or sibling
  • the death of a friend, or someone you knew at school
  • the death of someone by suicide
  • a change in a relationship
  • an illness of someone close to you, like cancer or dementia
  • the loss of a relationship, like someone moving away or no longer being in your life regularly
  • the loss or death of a pet animal

Whoever you have lost, you need time and space to grieve and come to terms with their death.

Play Video: If you're grieving, this is for you If you're grieving, this is for you

We all grieve differently.

Our Activists share their experiences of grief:

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. You might feel angry, sad or depressed, or even guilty or relieved. You might be numb and not feel anything. The way you grieve might be influenced by your culture, beliefs, or how your family and community understand loss. How you react might be different to how other people around you react. You might not feel anything for a while, and may experience delayed grief. There might be some occasions when you are expecting it, like when you experience one of many ‘firsts’, such as your first Christmas without that person. Or these feelings might catch you unaware sometimes. Grief can come up at any time.

Symptoms of grief

You might feel:

  • shock
  • panic
  • sadness or depression
  • anger
  • fear or anxiety
  • guilt
  • relief
  • numbness, or nothing
  • concerned with your health or other people’s
  • abandoned

However, you’re feeling, your feelings are valid and you are not alone. 

medium-shot-of-a-young-man-in-blue-jacket-and-white-shirt-looking-serious-while-sitting-with-a-girl-with-curly-hair-and-hands-on-her-chin-while-looking-at-him-and-sitting-on-a-bench-with-two-other-people-on-foreground
When my best friend passed away, I barely remember the first few months after he died. I was weighed down by this cloud of absolute nothing. For me, that was one of the things I never knew about grief. It can be so many emotions - or it can be nothing at all.
Ryan's story: How I started talking about my grief
How I started talking about my grief

Working through your grief

It takes time to work through grief and it’s best not to do it alone. Sometimes you might be surprised by feelings of sadness when you don’t expect them – or you might keep worrying about other people’s health, or your own. These feelings are all normal. Most of us get through with the support of family and friends.

If you’re struggling to come to terms with a death, finding daily life hard and things don't seem to be getting any better, it can help to talk to someone. Tell a trusted friend, family member or teacher how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling very worried, you can talk to your GP about counselling and professional support.

It can be normal to feel guilty. But remember, the loss you have experienced is not your fault. And if you stop feeling sad or in pain, it does not mean that you don’t care enough. You are allowed to move on in your life, and it is not a sign that you don’t care enough for the person you have lost.

  • Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Just take one step at a time. There isn’t a guidebook on how to grieve and what emotions to feel. You may feel many emotions, you may feel a few emotions or you may feel none at all. If you feel a whirlwind of emotions it’s completely natural.
    Erin, 16
  • Take your time, there is not length of time you have to grieve. You are ready when you feel ready. You grief is valid, just breathe and think about the memories you shared. The pain may be excruciating now, but each day is going to be less painful.
    Charlotte, 24

Expressing your grief

Here are some ways others have expressed their grief.

Instagram artwork by @thegriefcase - a person crying with the words 'this too shall pass'
Instagram artwork by @ellamasters - the word: 'Hope' on a blue patterned background
Artwork by @brookepetermann_art - The words: 'hold hands' are in a circle on a white background
Instagram artwork by @crazyheadcomics - clouds with raining and thunder that has tips on different ways of coping with grief
Instagram artwork by @ellamasters - two hands holding with the words: 'until we meet again, brother.'
Instagram artwork by @janellesilver - the text reads: 'this is how it feels sometimes' with a person in the corner
Instagram artwork by @glitterandgrief - a person holding a flower with the words: 'no one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.'
Instagram artwork by @thatgoodgrief - a weekly schedule with the words over the top: grief is not on a schedule
Instagram artwork by @poppyspapercuts - image of skull and roses with the words 'dead dad club'
Instagram artwork by @bymariandrew - different sized bags with the words grief on each

Tips and advice that can help

Helpful ways you can communicate how you are feeling:

  • Write a letter to the person you have lost telling them all the things you want to say to them.
  • Write a letter to someone who is supporting you, so they know what you are going through.
  • Keep a diary or journal of how you feel.
  • Express yourself through paintings or pictures.
  • Write a song or poem.
  • Create a memory box full of pictures and items which remind you of good times you had with the person you have lost.

How to help a friend who has been bereaved

  1. Listen if they want to talk. Don't feel you've got to solve anything or say something. You might feel helpless, but just being there and listening can be really helpful. 
  2. Share your memories. If it feels appropriate and you're able to, share your memories of the person who's gone, during a chat, or in a card or letter. For the bereaved person, this can feel like being given back little pieces of the person they've lost. 
  3. Don't feel rejected if they don't want you there. They might prefer to have one friend for going out, another to study with and so on. Make allowances for what works for them. 
The headline 'Listen if they want to talk' with text underneath 'Don't feel you've got to solve anything or say something. You might feel helpless, but just being there and listening can be really helpful.'
The headline 'Share Your Memories' with text underneath' If it feels appropriate and you're able to, share your memories of the person who's gone during a chat, or in a card or letter. For the bereaved person, this can feel like being given back little pieces of the person they've lost'
The headline 'Don't feel rejected if they don't want you there' with text underneath 'They might prefer to have one friend for going out, another to study with and so on. Make allowances for what works for them.'

Real stories about grief

Get help now

If you're not sure where to turn for support right now, these organisations can help. 

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