Supporting a friend with their mental health

Listen carefully when someone opens up to you about how they are feeling. Try to let them share without interrupting or judging them, or making any assumptions. This can help make your friend feel more comfortable. You can show you are listening by nodding, or repeating what they say to show you have understood.

If they are finding it overwhelming, you can suggest they write it down in a text or on a piece of paper. That way, they can take their time in thinking about what they are trying to say, without worrying about how it might come across in conversation, or worrying about getting emotional in front of you.

Often, when someone has opened up about how they are feeling, they might immediately feel worried that they’ve said the wrong thing or shared too much. The first way you could respond to them is to reassure them that they have done the right thing by speaking about it. You could say, ‘I’m really glad you told me this’, or ‘it might have felt difficult but it’s good that you spoke to me about it.

No matter what they are struggling with, their experiences are valid and it can be helpful to remind your friend of this. You could say something like ‘its okay to feel like that’ or, ‘what you’re going through sounds really tough’. Sometimes when you are struggling with your mental health, it can feel very lonely. By letting them know how they feel is valid, you are letting them know that they are not alone.

Sometimes all it can take to let your friend know that you are there for them is a hug, a cup of tea or just taking the time to sit with them. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture, you being there lets them know that you care.

After someone has shared with you how they are feeling, they might be worried that you won’t want to spend time with them. Simple gestures can remind them that you are still their friend, and you can still do the things you used to do together.

It’s understandable if after your friend has shared something with you, that you want to fix it or do what you can to help. But remember, it’s not all on you, and it is not your responsibility alone to help them. You have done so much by being someone your friend can open up to, and there are lots of other people and places you can go for further help. 

You can ask your friend what help they would like from you. This lets your friend know that you are there for them and helps you to understand how you can best support them. You could offer to help them find helplines or websites for support, or see if they would like you to help them get an appointment with their GP.

If they want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing, then you have every right to say what level of support you feel comfortable giving.

You don’t need to have all the answers or be an expert in mental health. It’s okay if you don’t understand their situation or are unsure about what to say. By listening to how they are feeling, you are giving your friend the space to share and a chance to be heard. This is a great reminder that they do not have to struggle in silence, and that there are people who can listen and help.

If you have found a helpline or website helpful to you before, share this with your friend. Or, you could have a look online to see what you can find for your friend; we have a lot of advice and support on a variety of topics. Having a recommendation from you can help them to trust the advice. When you are sharing with a friend a website or helpline, explain how you think it might help them.

It can be scary to reach out for support, especially to someone you have not met before, so talking to your friend about how the helpline works can be really reassuring.

If you are worried about your friend, encourage them to talk to an adult they trust like a teacher, school nurse, or youth worker. Your friend might be nervous to tell an adult and worried about what their reaction might be. If you’re able to, you could offer to go with them to talk to a trusted adult.

Self-care means looking after yourself. It can be doing a hobby like writing or drawing, meditating or switching off to watch your favourite TV show. There is nothing wrong with prioritising yourself, your wellbeing is just as important.

You can also create a self-soothe box which contains things that can make you feel relaxed.

If you feel like you are struggling, reach out for help. Speak to someone you trust like a friend, parent, teacher or helpline. Chatting to someone whether that’s sending a text, having a phone call or meeting up with someone, can help you talk your feelings over. Have a look at our find help page for advice and suggestions on where to get help. You have done what you can to support your friend. Remember it isn’t all on you.

Everyone has their own problems at times and if you are finding things tough, it might be better that someone else supports your friend. Try and be honest with your friend about how you are feeling. You can say something like ‘thank you for sharing this with me and letting me know how you are feeling. I am finding things difficult right now but here are some good places that can help you’.

You might feel guilty, or find it hard to say no because you want to help them. But saying no will not make you a ‘bad friend’.  By letting them know you are not in the right place to help them, you are looking after your own mental health and also making sure you friend can have the best support available for them. Remember, your mental health is just as important.

‘Setting boundaries’ is a way you can look after your mental health when you are supporting a friend. It’s about working out what you are able to do and what things you find more difficult, so you can put a ‘boundary’ in place to stop you doing those difficult things.  For example, you might find that talking to a friend late at night is something you find difficult, because you are tired and it stops you from sleeping well. Therefore, you may decide that one of your boundaries is that you don’t talk late at night. You can communicate this with a friend by saying,’  ‘I’m taking time for myself right now’ or ‘I am not in the best place right now, is it okay if we chat another time?’

It may feel hard to put yourself first, especially when you want to be there for a friend. But by putting boundaries in places it can help you to look after your wellbeing, and be in a better place to look after your friend too.